You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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