Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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