I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
