He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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