so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
