Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
