we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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