I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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