my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
