If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
