in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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