i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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