I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
