Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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