I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
