On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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