i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
