The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
