Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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