I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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