The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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