you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
