We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
