I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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