We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
