I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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