We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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