go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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