I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
