DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
