I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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