I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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