Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
