my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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