Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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