he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
