you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
