dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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