PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
