go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
