just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
