I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
