if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
