you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
