He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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