just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
