he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
