Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
