He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
