how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
