he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
