I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
