And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
50% drunk capacity currently
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
