so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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