It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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