do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
