my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize