so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
