I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
