i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
