Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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