Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
