I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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