It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize