VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
