I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
