need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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