I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
