Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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