I am puke
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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