Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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