ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
