he shaved USA in his pubs
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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