i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
