Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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