your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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