Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
