you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
