I hate your face
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
